will you die from consuming too many panadol?
i asked myself several times already.
no i do not wanna go 6 feet under the ground so fast even though i've been popping pills like nuts.

whatever.

i shall try to make time for something exciting. catch a movie, watch fireworks, pool marathon and just basically get a life. i shall try to better my skills so that i can thrash mugger mok (: WHEES.

ok. That's a lie cos' i've been saying since the start of last year and wells, all i've been doing is to fantasize winning him.

whatever. yes fang you need to get a life. goodbye.

and sophie kept calling me fangy which is horribly gross. see. min, gin and the rest so cooperative but she just wanna add something weird at the back. boycott boey. whees. (:

Walking

you kept walking.

hoping to find an answer to this mystery.

hoping to get out of this misery.

walked right through that door.

walked right into the wall.

delusional.

the futility of searching for answers.

answers that answer to nothing at all.

struggle.

struggle to break out of it all.

cried.

cried so that you could walk out of it all

silence.

silent cos' you cried without a sound.

pain.

cos' crying silently is what that hurt the most.

.

gosh. i hate stereotypes, honestly.

Taking E.lit doesn't make me extra powerful in english. it just make me feel that i can see people a little way more deeper, rather than on the surface. Ok. So don't give me that reason that since you take E.lit, your ang moh/GP must be zai; i think that's utter nonsense.

Maybe GENERALLY it's true, whatever the case, it's the opposite for me.

Just feeling stoned. Still feeling stoned.

And I so coincidentally get to meet Michelle and Ong on zoo bus on wednesday. So happy to get to see Ong cos' I've not seen her for like soooo long. We'll be meeting tomorrow though. HAHAHA.

So yesterday was also the day 3107 decided on the everything associated with class birthday. 24 donuts aka 2 dozen donuts. Wish me good luck. I think my mum would absolutely save me from the poor fate of having to bring all my purchases back on my own. (:

And yes, perhaps looking at all the donuts bought would have me boycott donuts for the rest of my life. Perhaps.

So back to work. Donuts. Donuts. Chocolate Donuts.

i feel like downing something strong. breezer ain't but whatever, just something that makes me konk up right into bed.

tiring nightmarish week.

goodbye to that. and hello to those which are more to come.

Insanity

that 'put money into thy purse' kept ringing into my mind. nuts. like what the hell? Dreaming of the Moor every single moment is not going to keep me from feeling better these days.

So i've been feeling increasingly retarded these days. As in not metaphorically but LITERALLY. Really. Argh.

Especially today. Felt that I could have just wanna jump into that big drain near my school. Really just jump in and don't come out. So OMIGOD embarrassing. I won't throw my own face by telling you the stupidity i showed.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIN + MANDA! (:


So many things have been going through my mind. So many flashing images that seemed to ring a bell but poof, gone in a while. Screaming out to me, this very little soul in me wondering, pondering, wishing when it's time to be free. Screams. screams. Get out of that door. Wondering where I'm heading. Wondering where I come from.

Holding on

Career fair today revealed that side of me that i inspire and wanna attain. Especially the one on law and banking. The conviction in her words, that success attained. It's that sad though to have to admit that that piece of paper qualifications still matter more than anything else in this society.

Fine. Skip that shitty part of this blog entry. Including that talk which Ms Leong gave ystd. Reality seemed so real outta a sudden. Whatever. Hate it. Hate it so uber much.

Still hooked to SYTYCD. Maybe someone can just hack into youtube and remove it so i will stop watching.

Dancing by Elisa + You and Me by Lifehouse = da bomb. (:

Life

Today was a day which absolutely flew away with nothing accomplished, unless you considered the completion of SGC to be one.

Ok. I feel like blogging in the chinese but the laptop doesn't have the software. Jus like how I'm SUPPOSED to get that terrible econs mindmap done but i'm instead blogging here. absolutely WOW brillant, ain't it.

So I went back to the yet-so-familiar place once again today- Kallang Water Sports Centre. Walked past that frightening narrow walkway again which I so fear of dropping right into that disgusting Kallang water AFTER i've showered.
So everything was still like it is when i went there. I guess it's only us changing afterall, nothing else. And managed to saw Mr Gan. HAHA. Pig him was like finding fault as usual. Whatever la. But seriously, i missed my juniors! Ali, Fung Lai Min and Eddie Gan.

A lot of stuff went past my mind as we were rowing. It was this usual wishing on my part to wanna reminisce the past by going for db-ing but it was futile. A lot of things felt different even though as we were having FOC 'viking' which was so fun, as stored in my memory bank initially; it's making me so utterly sick of it.

So I'm looking forward to a great meal with all of my dearest ppl. Very Looking forward to.

omigod. leong yiyao deserves a smack from me for calling me 'banana'. He was insulting me saying that i am totally a banana when i started to say that he's so ang moh and he insisted that he speaks perfect chinese which i certainly won't and don't buy in.

But really meh. Wasai. Being branded as a banana is so hurting. ):

No right. CO friends can prove that i am totally a chinese chinese and not some stupid banana.

SADDDDDDDD

and wef today, i shall go on a diet and stop talking so much. Any queries on my weird behavoir, please direct all questions to my manager dentist.

SGC

screams at this 3 letters.
it's due this saturday, with endorsement and everything and yes, so what the hell.

ARGH. sucks.

forget it. stop whining. i've been whining so much, complaining so much that i think people's eardrums are threatening to burst at the rate i'm complaining. seriously, i mean it. and last friday was another whiny session that i was so closed to being slaughtered by lining and gin for once again, whining.

It was a terrible week yet again. Nothing good has compensated this misery that i'm feeling. Ok. So everything here is the opposite of positive so if you feel as sad as i'm, don't read it for you'd feel worse.

A couple of days have been fantasizing the impossibles such as doing the weirdest thing ever. Like today when i saw this little girl eating fries on board the bus, I was just so tempted to grab it from her and eat it. Apparently, the craving for fries were just too hard to resist. But of course, a sane part of me tell me otherwise to yes, keep sane.

Ok. I need to shut my gap up and start worrying about everything that needs worrying. And hopefully enjoy my db trip on saturday and an omigod feast next sunday. Could well destress a little, as i sincerely pray.

Keep sane people. And hang in there.

.

I don't like this feeling of having to compete with time.
Cos I know I'll lose, lose real badly.

Ok. We're all nothing but puppets being manipulated by solely, life.
Puppets who follow the footsteps of how life is created for us.


Oh wells. So it is decided that we all decide to not go for the MFCO gathering on friday. So little people from my batch is going and made it all the more meaningless even if I were to attend. Could imagine myself gorging down whatever that's available instead of participating in the conversation, even if there is gonna be any.

So the pretty long hols was spent sorting out my thoughts, sorting out my emotions, sorting out anything that can and should be sorted out. Pretty much to sum up: I just spent my weekends decomposing at home. And Mr Gan just has this thing in him that's so motivating. I reckon that he should just aim to be a inspirational figure going around to institutions to give motivating talks.

ok. that's lame. whatever. But it was good. At least I got back to focus on my priorities.

For now.

.

Argh. it's back to work.

Baroque/Classical/Romantic/Homophonic/Polyphonic. And Whatever.
This sucks. I'm so not coping. Everything sucks.

.

bored.

get a life.
get a break.
have a kit kat.

This's spastic. Whatever. Just went cycling and I thought I was the only nutcase who will be doing such a lame activity at this late hour. And guess what? Someone else is jogging at this late hour.

Time reads: 10.30PM for your info.

Will never forget how horrifying it is when Mr Gan Bao Sheng was mean enough to say that me and sophie put on weight when come on, all we did was to mug solely during the hols. Argh. This's so pissing me off. Feel like taking up more water sports though I'm so uber broke now. Maybe I shall just learn to be content and just stick to land sports.

ARGHHH.

But I'm sooo tempted to take up water skiing/wind surfing after the A's.

Forget it. Provided that I survive this through. This A's levels that are so close to robbing me of my dear life.

Yes. I exaggerated but you get my point? It's just so utterly annoying.

And a day at home doing nothing but walk about the house did not make me feel at all less miserable about my mid years. Oh well. I just need to get a life.

.

pain

leona lewis' bleeding love is da bomb.
Her vocals is outta the world.
Her Music Video is utterly awesome.
So You Think You Can Dance Season 3/4 is da bomb.
Exams' results are so not da bomb.
It's worse than the atomic bomb that landed on Japan, seriously.

And this week is so mighty oh-how tiring. Had to reach at around 6.45am which is totally not-like-me but there ain't much choice anyway. Initial plan on tuesday was to reach school, find a small dark corner and sleep till 7.20am. Failed cos' everyone stresses you out when they're at the canteen studying/doing work. Doing something that has nothing associated with the word slacking.

Argh. And I'm so irritated with everything regarding mid-years. Misreading of poetry/Misintepretation of essay question/Irrelevance of paragraph.
Barely Pass. But it was consoling to have friends motivating you all the way. It's really important to me.

And kudos and credits to this DE j1 who was nice to pass me the scores for 'when the love falls' by yiruma. Nice him gave me 4 scores though I just asked for one. LOL. (: HAPPY.

WHEN THE LOVE FALLS (:




Argh. Whatever. I'm just feeling so pissed and annoyed. Gimme a Break seriously. Maybe I'll just sleep the whole thing off and perhaps, feel better.