BIG SCREEN. extremely big monitor.

I reckon that my dad thinks that we're all blind. Absolutely blind rats.

And it's extremely bright. So it further sums up my hypothesis. The whole family is supposedly all blind.

On a sidenote, the keys are screwed up. The G and A# became silent. Soon, all the keys will just start to not produce any sound either. We need to get that thing tune like gawd, soon.

AND MY PIECES ARE SO SCREWED. ARGH.

May God bless. Now it's time to think about absolutely nothing else but that final lap.

I don't know how on earth am I gonna make a miracle happen within these 12 days more.

I really don't.

I wanna keep believing, but courage, I just have it no more.

原来自己是多么地不坚强.

多十四天.

.

i've stopped wanting to believe

becos' my faith have started to waver

waver so much

that it doesn't seem to be the old me that i thought i once was

outgoing.

he used that term on me.

that term seem to be so detached from me already.

or perhaps it was a term that has nothing to do with me at all in the first place.

it's so difficult to keep believing. it really is.

a million things.

there's so many things that i wanna say and do. so many million things to be done. but all stump by the current predicament i'm in. yes, it stops you from doing any thing HUMAN and possibly ALIVE rather than like now; feeling absolutely screwed.

my fingers are getting stoned. it's real bad and i don't know why. they become so friggin' rigid and it's mighty-oh-how pissing me off actually.

and i wanna learn driving. despite scares from my cousin, i still think it would be great to learn driving. the way he describes how the exam takes place jus scare me off pretty badly.

and i hope that the library ice-cream aunty can always be there. at least we don't have to walk a mile just to grab an ice-cream. and the bread is nice.

and i wish the swings were a little nearer.
and i wish i were a little richer.
and i wish that i've more than 24 hours.
and i wish that i would lead my life in every fulfilling way that i could.
and i wish that time can just stop now.

oh my tian.

100% SATURATION.

100% hydrocarbon.

100% wants her life back.

you really need to sit down and rethink your goals at times

this will make you more focused and more geared up to continue further

.

10/10/2008

well. i'm gonna follow the footsteps of a friend and type a VERY long nonsensical post here.

if i can that is.

today is the last day of school (as of 11.11pm. cool time i know). the farewell assembly was pretty great or should i say, it was only the videos that were mainly touching and funny. The GP video was directed by 3107's tutor Mr Ivan Ang. I think it's totally his style kinda thing, absolutely sleek yet funny. And Ms Dalgit is really funny.

And the video we made was shown. Supposed to have music but apparently the sound system failed which was so disappointing cos' i spent like an hour trying to put the music in. urgh. irritating. It's only gratifying when you see at least some people crying while see-ing the video but yes, that failed also. I bet it's because of NO music = NO atmosphere. Yes, i'm sadistic i know.

so yesterday was such a burnt up day cos' it took me like bloody long before all discs were burnt and yes, i almost went nuts.

whatever whatever. at least everyone got gifts and i hope they like it :D

And we stayed back to have a long talk with Mr Ang. Mr Ang received a big board from us and he must look at it everyday since we came up with sooooo many photos. And hopefully, no nightmares of having to see so many cam-whore photos of us all. And Ms Ma was real funny.

Well, the past 2 years have been really hard. Things got better only this year actually when I could slow down a little, breathe a little and be myself again a little. Last year was a total nightmare. This year is like that as well jus that things ended on a slightly different note i guess.

Things change. People change. One's belief changes as well with time. It's inevitable i guess. But it has made me stronger so much so that I've become numb to it all. Resigned is the word. Mr Ang was talking bout relationships between men. It's complex I guess and yes, Human relationships should be of a higher priority than work. I used to believe in it but I lost sight of that later on for that past 1 year. It was compromised and everything just felt so mess up.

It jeopardized so much more than it should have.

Come to think of it now, that perfect grade seemed to be a slap on my face and my heart actually.

and the only thing that I wanna think about now is life after A's. No i should correct myself, life now before A's since i've only 3 weeks plus before everything starts.

I need my life back a little, desperately.

last day of school tomorrow.
this's bit of missing school, missing 3107 and missing walking towards all the different venues.
ironically, there's this thing in me that really wish school would stop soon.

it's really contradictory.

exceptions

when things start to go wrong,

they won't go right at all already.

Han wei said something funny which i felt i must share. I was telling him the amount that i've left in my edusave.

there's essentially only 3 bucks plus and he was like "wah. can withdraw a not. can go buy 3 boxes of pocky"

LIKE LOLS. i had an extremely good laugh ystd. He made the entire thing sound utterly pathetic.

yah. there's how sad it is. my edusave i mean. so i've to pay by cash and transit till i throw up. i'm starting to dislike air flights and to think i've to take like 6 flights (yes, i counted take off and landing as 1 individual separate flight)

the thought of my stomach churning during those horrible transits jus make me wanna throw up now.

ok. i shall sleep and pray tt tomorrow (today to be exact) would be a happy day.

i've turned officially purplish-green.

morning started off pretty mortifyin cos' i was so indignant about my poetry grades. i just cant stop when i start rambling and thus, my heart goes out to those who were with me actually. and so i started complaining non-stop.

i'm so angry it's like becos' of POETRY that killed me totally. i'm sooooooo angry. like terrible terrible thing since it's the last component i did and i was so drained after completing the other 2 and argggghhhh. i essentially screw it up.

set texts were surprisingly alright. but i'm expecting a little more. urgh. comments were like you started off alright but deviate later.

crap. utter crap.

and i'm still feeling bloody unwell. shit. if not for tons of stuff that gotta to be done tomorrow, i would have jus taken some time off to rest. screw it. maybe i should jus rest tmr. depends.

.

shall blog a quick post before i gotta start rushing.

we all need breaks. but as we are taking that little break, guilt jus start creeping into you. i never knew myself as a sit-down-for-12-hours-a-day-mugging-till-you-drop-dead sort. or should i say i couldnt.

and yes, i'm at a very great disadvantage like that. screwwwww it.



time stops. the surrounding air move a little before stagnating.
breathe in that bit of air. stop. time seemed to pass a little for a moment then.
turn to the right a little, realising that everything seemed to be still moving actually.
turn to the left then, realising that all along, it's only me who think time has stopped.

the world is still revolving; it didn't and wouldn't stop for me.